RULING THE WORLD pt 2

Last night I thought seriously about the ink and the sword
All of a sudden , I put down my quill
Convinced myself that my lace gloves were ink stains
Instains I didn't want marring my person.

When the last trace of ink was gone from my hands
When from the sink , it was drained away;
I felt drained
Like I had suddenly become part of the violent mob.
One of the people that fought to get something better
Though they have the best thing in their clenched protesting fist.
I had become greedy
Falling away from the powerful.

I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the mirror
Unable to look...
To really look at myself.

I rushed to my study,
Ran to the kiosk,
To the supermarket, The street Hawker
And finally to the beggar I saw people pass by on the street...
And got myself a pen.

I scribbled furiously,
On any surface I could come in contact with.
My receipts, The CD cover, the leather surface of my somewhat expensive bag an finally on my skin.

The skin I thought too precious to be marred.

And while I looked disheveled and almost lunatic,
I was proud and eager to look at myself
Find anything that could show me a reflection of myself.

I could see myself without even looking
And it felt better to be in control of the mobs that classify my life,
Than to lose that mob in search of a large crowd.

This is what happens when you begin to question your beliefs, some people find themselves, and some people just spend the rest of their lives looking.