A near Death Experience

I don't know what I was thinking;
I really don't have any feelings for you,
In fact, I do not consider you a friend.
But I sentt you a message anyways.

I don't know what I was thinking;
How could I have believed I was ready,
When I know deep inside my heart I am waiting for my ONE.
But I sent you that message anyways.

I don't know what I was thinking;
But I know I don't want that night to get that far when it began,
I just wanted a distraction.
But it went that far anyways.

I do not know what I was thinking;
When I pretended to like what you were doing,
Though I know where it was going.
But it went that far anyways.

I do know what I was doing;
When I told you to stop,
Got up and left your house.
Hope it did not get that far anyways.

I do know what went through my mind;
When I saw the stain,
I was scared to the black hole of my soul.
But I know it did not get farther thann that.

I do know what I would have done;
If you became my first because of a stupid night,
the very core of me would have shattered.
Thank God I did not go farther than that.

I do know what I want to do;
You obviously are not my ONE,
Even if you were my ONE I would have to walk down the sacred corridor.
For my to ever get that far again.