I'm having my out of body experience again. what's the use of the stupid therapist if immediately after I'm one, i feel the same way! Like I am so tired, normally cleaning helps, but my room's been in the same state of cleanliness (unusual)and i just cleaned the whole kitchen, which was worse than other days, but i still indifferent. Like everything is so peaceful, too peaceful, and I find myself thinking that there is a storm brewing in the not so distant future.
What scares me the most is that I am not afraid. And I know I am not making sense to some now, and i do not expect to make sense to anyone cuase I do not make sense to myself. Unlike every week, I am looking forward to writing my fictional and factual weekly journal to Mr. K but I can't because i am no longer his cupa tea.
Since I started taking my medication, well since the first pill, I have been feeling no feeling and sleeping! yeah i knew that it was supposed to make me sleep but I didn't expect to be numb! that was my problem in the first place. Maybe I am supposed to continue taking it, but hearing it's purpose put me in a mental shut down. I was supposed to see the Doctor on Tuesday, but I didn't feel like hearing what he had to say, so next Tuesday i am just going to fabricate another so he can give me a less depressing medication.
Maybe if everything becomes as chaotic as I am used to it being, I will feel better, MAYBE. But for now I am going to stick to saying "great" whenever someone says "How are you?" Who knows I might start feeling great when my brain tires of hearing and feeling two different things.
I can't wait to go home. I am almost certain that I will feel more sunny and brighter than the sun when I get home. but for now, I will just have to settle for Ife, Objection of my stalktation- HRM(sorry Bunny, I can't bump him to number two, the love is too strong) and Bunny (you can be the object of my public embarrasion). Ife think of what what object you want to be. But I love my Gidi family even if one of them is not actually a gidian. ninja you know I am talking to you.
Yours affectionately,
Object of your Objectification
aka gray smiles
nka (newly known as) Gidi Hair. :D
God I am razz!
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
ife inspired me
couldn't sleep. so i recorded myself singing. it's on facebook and on my mysapace. was gon put it on this ish just to give u guys sleepless nights, but i dunno how to. :D but u know i luff u! nyways. someone said my blog was getting dry so i'm gon try my best to shake things up. now i just remembered :shake shake shake into the fire. the light of God is moving in u, I know the truthh and it shall set u free. i'm gonna shake off the beast and i will feel alright. i guess I am already feeling alright cos I have started thinkin in songs again. YAY
Nyways big news. I sorta told my dad about my plan to go to culinary and make-up school and then get my wedding planners certificate. and he seemed really happy for me. He and my mum have been trying for a long time to get me passionate enough about anything to be able to see a future in it. so yeah. well, he did pretend like he did not notice that i was leaning towards the i wanna drop out conversation. as in he totally ignored it. he was like "I'll support u with whatever you do in conjuction with your degree". see how my father uses english to box me in. eventhough through-out the convo, i kept repeating next year, the man just said u r finishing ur degree. Kai mylife. Atleast he didnt call me crazy for coming to uni for 4 years and not even plan on using my major in the future. hmmmm... nyways I love my parents.
Like you can't even get tempted to lie. If i'm up early(late, he just says why are you up, i say cos i slept in the afternoon, and he says "so r u reading or watching a movie or chilling". and my mum is always like "is there gist?" and in the days when i was an interesting child, i would give her gist (eventhough those days are few and very inbetween).
Oh did my reading and contrary to my belief people listened and some understood. Maybe I should start putting faith in Nigerians (on second thought- No i need more reasons to be able to trust their judgement). well not all but the young ones around me.
OMG! since I turned 19 I have been becoming more irritable. as in it's bad. and now i'm more evil. if don't like something I come right out and say it or give the silent treatment. People say I am becoming more rude but ehn what d heck, if u were really important i would tie my lleg real tight for to be patient with you.
Didn't know I had so much to write about till I started. Turning nineteen has been a swell journey. like i thought it would be like other birthdays when i don't feel the difference. but with this birthday it's diff. maybe it's cause i have replaced some people with better people in my life, and I'm over my version of Swiss. but it feels great. oh and my whole body hurts like hell cos I stopped my pilates and abs and yoga for a while and i just started everything in full force.
P.s never do that.
I dunno if I am going for swag ball. and because I am on the fence preparation is going to be grueling. cos i don't wanna do my hair and go shopping if i'm not going, but what if i am going then i will have to rush things. people tell me what to do?!?!?!?!?!?!?
sas my indian friend just moved downtown and Happibunny is about to go! why??????? anyways such is life. my life is getting really uncomplicated but at the same time complicated.
me and my multicultural asian friends were tallking one night and my friend likes a guy but he is very honest (maybe too honest) and she knows he is not serious- relationship wise- and he might end up wanting something she isn't willing to do.
when she told me the fist one-third i was very happy for her but the other parts made me very skeptical. my other friends were like dont tell him you wont do it, just keep one telling him to be patient. but they kinda forgot that she doesn't know if he likes her yet and what sort of relationshp he wants. for some reason they think i know a lot about relationships, so i have the task of finding a way to find out if he likes her, how to get him serious enuf for a relationship and to put having the ish off. I don't know this ish, cos the last time i had a relationship wasalmost 2 years ago n i didnt have to deal with it. why am i telling this story? cos i know my faithful stalkers have the answer: please give me suggestions. i kinda like being the relationshipless relationship guru.
P.P.S I lost the life of the party award to a guy that doesn't go partying- I AM SOOOOOOOOOOOOO UNCOOL! and stupid thing is that the day before they all sat down and said how i should win. this is why u shouldn't "steal" girls boyfrens so that when u need votes u'll get enough. happibunny thats a lesson to u. HRM i am not mentions u in my blog because u gave me ela twice in the past 7 days. imagine raisng my hopes upp like that. Happibunny n Ife u got some solving to do. u know i only hv my problems once in a while. so cashia lera.
Nyways big news. I sorta told my dad about my plan to go to culinary and make-up school and then get my wedding planners certificate. and he seemed really happy for me. He and my mum have been trying for a long time to get me passionate enough about anything to be able to see a future in it. so yeah. well, he did pretend like he did not notice that i was leaning towards the i wanna drop out conversation. as in he totally ignored it. he was like "I'll support u with whatever you do in conjuction with your degree". see how my father uses english to box me in. eventhough through-out the convo, i kept repeating next year, the man just said u r finishing ur degree. Kai mylife. Atleast he didnt call me crazy for coming to uni for 4 years and not even plan on using my major in the future. hmmmm... nyways I love my parents.
Like you can't even get tempted to lie. If i'm up early(late, he just says why are you up, i say cos i slept in the afternoon, and he says "so r u reading or watching a movie or chilling". and my mum is always like "is there gist?" and in the days when i was an interesting child, i would give her gist (eventhough those days are few and very inbetween).
Oh did my reading and contrary to my belief people listened and some understood. Maybe I should start putting faith in Nigerians (on second thought- No i need more reasons to be able to trust their judgement). well not all but the young ones around me.
OMG! since I turned 19 I have been becoming more irritable. as in it's bad. and now i'm more evil. if don't like something I come right out and say it or give the silent treatment. People say I am becoming more rude but ehn what d heck, if u were really important i would tie my lleg real tight for to be patient with you.
Didn't know I had so much to write about till I started. Turning nineteen has been a swell journey. like i thought it would be like other birthdays when i don't feel the difference. but with this birthday it's diff. maybe it's cause i have replaced some people with better people in my life, and I'm over my version of Swiss. but it feels great. oh and my whole body hurts like hell cos I stopped my pilates and abs and yoga for a while and i just started everything in full force.
P.s never do that.
I dunno if I am going for swag ball. and because I am on the fence preparation is going to be grueling. cos i don't wanna do my hair and go shopping if i'm not going, but what if i am going then i will have to rush things. people tell me what to do?!?!?!?!?!?!?
sas my indian friend just moved downtown and Happibunny is about to go! why??????? anyways such is life. my life is getting really uncomplicated but at the same time complicated.
me and my multicultural asian friends were tallking one night and my friend likes a guy but he is very honest (maybe too honest) and she knows he is not serious- relationship wise- and he might end up wanting something she isn't willing to do.
when she told me the fist one-third i was very happy for her but the other parts made me very skeptical. my other friends were like dont tell him you wont do it, just keep one telling him to be patient. but they kinda forgot that she doesn't know if he likes her yet and what sort of relationshp he wants. for some reason they think i know a lot about relationships, so i have the task of finding a way to find out if he likes her, how to get him serious enuf for a relationship and to put having the ish off. I don't know this ish, cos the last time i had a relationship wasalmost 2 years ago n i didnt have to deal with it. why am i telling this story? cos i know my faithful stalkers have the answer: please give me suggestions. i kinda like being the relationshipless relationship guru.
P.P.S I lost the life of the party award to a guy that doesn't go partying- I AM SOOOOOOOOOOOOO UNCOOL! and stupid thing is that the day before they all sat down and said how i should win. this is why u shouldn't "steal" girls boyfrens so that when u need votes u'll get enough. happibunny thats a lesson to u. HRM i am not mentions u in my blog because u gave me ela twice in the past 7 days. imagine raisng my hopes upp like that. Happibunny n Ife u got some solving to do. u know i only hv my problems once in a while. so cashia lera.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)