FINALLY

Okay so I haven't written in a long time... I am almost certain I have lost all my followers. Sorry, I have just been in a writing bind. But today I got a mail and there was a contest where I have to write a poem including ten words and it inspired me,because I have been looking for words and a way to describe the way I have been feeling the whole year. Well this is it... yes I know it is somehow depressing, but most of my writings including my poetry is. so try to enjoy it and please DO NOT PITY.

P.S I have to also thank Tomi aka Imoteda http://www.imoteda.blogspot.com/ because her last blog inspired me to write how I truly felt, without trying to sugar coat it or euphemise (i know it is not a word) it.

A WOMAN'S PLEA

The child is in a ball on the floor
Thinking of the quickest way to escape
She can hear their voices,
A voice definitely a woman is whispering between loud sobs
The other a man's is pounding on every stretch of her skin in confusion

In the darkness she cannot see their faces
But she knows the voices
If only she could dig up the faces from memories so tightly away

But she cannot,
That would be stirring the still clay pot of emotions
It would be destroying everything she worked so hard to build
But it is already falling apart,
The villagers are beginning to notice the cracks of the outside of the pot

In the race of time, daylight is winning.
The few hours before dawn is her only chance to decide.
The drugs are right in front of her, but the woman is sobbing louder.
She cannot concentrate
She is willing the woman to shut up, begging her
But even with her thoughts racing and yelling her scream stands out.
It is distinct.

Please let me go and don't cry for me
Don't let the morning dew blanket everything I have worked so hard to create
It will only signal the coming of the sun
Drying away all my beliefs of a perfect us
Please don't let the sun rise
I do not want to see their faces
Please allow this child's fantasy to become immortal.



Don't try to interpret this poem please. I hate it when people try to guess what it means to me. just leave it as it speaks to you.

MY CONCRETE BOX

But I am not okay!
I am dying!
No one can see my insides shriveling up
Even I cannot save myself

I do not know how to cry so i Sing
I cannot scream so i WHISPER.
but can you not hear the weeping in my song
Can you not hear my shouts in my whisper.

I have let in close enough to hear me cry the tears even I cannot cry
I have let you so close the hear my heart scream.

NO I am not okay!
I am dying,
You are too blind to see me suffer,
You are too deaf to hear me scream.
And I am standing outside myself, unable to help me.

I am dying but that is not why I am afraid.
I fear that I may one day be able to cry and never be able to stop.
I may be able to scream and scream I shall without end
And when I do you still will not hear me.

Open Relationships

HELLO,
It has been a long while. Quick update bout what's been going on in my life and then i will get to my motivation for this post. PERSONAL UPDATE= NOTHING, ZILCH, NADA, kosi about from school.

Now to Open relationships. I always wanted to talk on this subject and I have been putting it off for a while but some replies to my friend konfirmed's last post kind of emphasized the need to talk about this subject.

I do not really have anything against open relationships, I think it is an occurrence in life that cannot be rid of.

I don't think I need to restate the perks of being in these non-relationship, so i will go directly to this misconceptions or the facts that we have decided to turn a blind eye to.

As we all know, we are not inanimate objects which is why we can feel and we have emotions. A girl will see a pair of shoes she absolutely loves and even though she cannot afford them she will think of them for a month or so. A guy will see a computer gadget he cannot afford even before it is released and will visualise himself with it, till he can get it. People give names to their pets, and love their pets, cater to their pets, even cry when their pets die. People get hooked on drugs or painkillers, or a t.v show, or a book and for years to come, even after being separated still feel the void. My point?

How then can we expect that, although Joe and Josephine are strongly attracted to each other, neither one should feel an emotional stirring. No matter how shallow one is, I do not think anyone decides they want to be in an open-relationship with someone who they think is utterly disgusting, physically or personality wise. So it is bound to happen that after a while, your feelings about that person starts becoming stronger.

The reason why open-relationships fail is not because people fail to abide by the rule (don't get emotionally attached) but because people fail to realise that emotional attachment is bound to happen; some stronger than others, and some participants are better at hiding their feelings).

The perks of an open relationship, I think is not the freedom to do whatever, but the honesty a name-bound-relationship sometimes lacks. The ability for both partners to say how they feel at all times, to walk away when you are both on different levels and to decide to stay with the knowledge that it is just mere attraction which may or may not bloom into something more fruitful.

Random

some one once told me that "it is impossible to love others if you don't love yourself". That someone was my mother. She said this to me years and years ago but in my inexperience I said she didn't know anything. By now after sitting atop the fire of life for such a long time I know she is right.

But how do you know if you don't love yourself? How do you learn to love yourself when you have spent so long loving others and forgetting that you are in fact human?

Anyways, so I have been thinking of recent, as in really thinking about my capability of really loving someone. And for some reason I can't picture myself loving anyone. Of course, I love my friends and my family and will love my children. but I am talking about like a boyfriend or husband-kind of person. Like how do you love someone enough to open every aspect yourself up to them knowing fully well that they could hurt you and break you.

One of my exes told me that I am incapable of loving someone. I try to tell myself that it was him i was incapable of loving but i can't help to think in the back of my mind that maybe the problem is me. Maybe I am really incapable of loving, i dunno.

I don't know the ppoint of this post, but it feels good to just let it out. :D hope you are having fun...

SONIA'S ANSWER

Ok SO my friend Sonia posted these questions on facebook and wanted me to answer the, but i figured I need more that a few lines to answer them and that some other people might have these questions, so here are my thoughts.


1. what qualities do you look for in a partner.
well the most important is honesty. Most times you have to ask yourself what qualities do you have to give, cause you can't be unable to bring something to the table and expect your partner to. You can't cheat and expect your partner to be faithful, or lie and expect your partner to be honest at all times. You can't be lazy and expect the other to be diligent. IT JUST DOESN'T WORK IN A MATURE HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP..

2. would you forgive your partner if they cheated on you?Explain why you would and why you wouldn't?
The word partner is like lean bacon (sorry that's the best I could come up with). Why? For you to regard someone as your partner and not a boyfriend or a lover, it means you have learned to trust and love this person and regard them as your equal; you have trimmed all the fat off. Now to answer the question. I will... yeah I know. The question is will I get back with them? I might the first time they do. Depending on who with, the timing, the place, the why and the how?

3. Do you think sex is necessary in cementing a long term relationship? Expand.
No, I don't. Why? Did your parents think you had to pay rent for them to let you stay in their house? What's the relation ship between the two? Well once you start viewing sex as neccessary to keep you partner you might as well be paying them. If you don't want to do the deed and your partner thinks that you should for you to stay together then you shouldn't be with them. I am certain most guys and even girls want to do the dirty dirty but if they feel strongly bout you, they can hold for a little while. But you shouldn't tease them either. don't start what u can't finish.

4. Are we able to feel love to the full extent at this age?
No. Love grows everyday even adults don't feel love to the full extent. everyday and with every experience you learn to appreciate the other more.

Perfection

Striving for Perfection in a personal matter, though tough is easier, much more than when u have to strive with someone else. When you are striving alone, you can motivate yourself and always have other people to motivate you. When you feel low you can give yourself a pep talk, push yourself harder.

When you are with someone else, you can't push the other person to hard because you are afraid you might push them away, especially if it is with someone you love. For couple perfection you both have to have the same level of energy at all times, if not a seedling of resentment in the person who feels they are fighting and striving more.

The only sort of perfection you can create in a relationship is perfecting the acknowledgment of the fact that there is no way to gain perfection in a relation. Perfecting the act of turning a blind eye to faults in a relation and the significant other. But as we are human, we always aim for something higher, something within our grasp and when we have reached that level we want more.

Hence, there is nothing like a perfect couple or an almost perfect couple. We see a couple that strives for more than they have and that is the example we should follow. Although perfection is imossible, happiness is... So instead of striving for perfection, fight for happiness with the one you love and fight to help keep them standing cause that's the closest you will get to perfection...

HRM THIS IS FOR YOU.. SORRY IT'S LATE. XOXOXOX

OUR PERCEPTON

WE DON'T SEE THINGS AS THEY ARE WE SEE THEM AS WE ARE....

FULL BLOG COMING SOON